Avoiding The Snarl

Keeping their cool. Get it? I call this blog 'Avoiding The Snarl' because two things make both real estate and raising an autistic kid pretty tough. Anger. And complicated shit. Put those two together and it's hard not to blow your top. So I came across this article by  Michaeleen Doucleff  on NPR's site about the way Inuit people raise their kids. I intuitively do a lot of the things the article talks about and I think that's one of the reasons my son and I are so tight, but reading the article makes me realize I could do better, and not just with my son. With my daughter. With my friends. With my ex. With my clients. Anyway, here's a link to the article. Hope it helps. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/03/13/685533353/a-playful-way-to-teach-kids-to-control-their-anger If you want to talk, give me a call. I promise not to yell.  You can reach me by phone at 310 854 2458 or at my very fancy new email address, BrianYourFavoriteRealtor ...

Big news (for me, anyway, but you might find it mildly interesting). From now on you’ll find me at Inhabit Realty .  I’m excited to be working with a company that’s more in line with my values and by that I don’t mean anything disparaging about Keller Williams.  Inhabit is a small operation –– the plucky Bad News Bears who by dint of their courage and smarts and integrity are determined to make a name for themselves in the increasingly impersonal, digital, sales-heavy world of real estate. They –– we –– are people who drink more tea than coffee and more kombucha than tea. (Okay, bad example. I don’t drink kombucha. It scares me.) But I do get to work with people who feel the same way I do about Portland, access to tons more relevant resources, and a logo that’s not red.  So if you’re thinking of buying or selling a home, or you know anybody who is, please think of me. Me and the not-red logo. Thanks.  You can reach me by phone at 310 854 24...

You probably heard that there’s a new law in Portland requiring that starting in 2018, any home that’s sold has to have an Energy Score. Here’s a quick overview of what that means: You can’t game the score. A house’s Energy Score has nothing to do with how many times you flush the toilet or what temperature the thermostat is set to. It’s a measurement of how efficient the home is: The effectiveness of its insulation, the energy efficiency of its appliances, stuff like that. The idea is to give buyers a sense of what it would cost to live in the home.  The score is relative. A house that scores a 4 is less efficient than a house that scores a 5. Since so many houses in Portland were built in the early 20th century, nobody expects a ton of houses to score super well. The requirement isn’t just for houses. It applies to “...any residential structure containing at least one dwelling unit or house, regardless of size, on its own lot.” This includes attached single dwellin...

From 'Cool Hand Luke'. Which has nothing to do with this post. I went to a workshop for parents of autistic children and did something you’re not supposed to do. I asked the other parents sitting around the circle in that church basement how many of them thought they had characteristics similar to those of their kids.  The workshop leader glared at me. We’re not supposed to presume any sort of genetic disposition toward autism. I wasn’t trying to make trouble. But I do see some stuff in my boy that I see in myself. For instance, I tend to be pretty literal –– when my ex wife texts me, for instance, that she plans to drop off the cool hat I bought my son the next day, I assume that she intends to drop off the hat the next day. This gets me in trouble because apparently, anybody can see that what she really meant was that I could get the hat from her the next time I picked up the kids from her house.  My boy suffers from the same rigid thinking and in him i...

Sure, you know your kid better than anybody. But that doesn't mean other people don't know your kid at all. And guess what. Some of us have gone through what you're about to go through. And what you're about to put your kid through. I'm not saying don't move. That would be stupid. I am, after all, a real estate agent. What I am saying, though, is before you launch yourself into a situation that's going to be stressful on you, take some time to figure out how to mitigate the stress on your kid. Talk to your kid's therapist, paras, and teachers.  Then talk to me. You can reach me at 310-854-2458 or by email at brian (at) belefant (dot) realtor. By the way, if you're looking for online counseling, check out Better Help . 

Danger! Danger! In 1973 the Clean Air Act made asbestos illegal to use for fireproofing and insulating purposes.  Then in 1989 the EPA issued the Asbestos Ban and Phase Out Rule , which was supposed to impose a full ban on the manufacturing, importation, processing and sale of asbestos-containing products. Two years later supporters of the asbestos industry challenged and overturned the ban. It was a landmark lawsuit: Corrosion Proof Fittings v. the Environmental Protection Agency . Bottom line, some small victories for asbestos regulation, but asbestos use is still permitted. As in now. As in still permitted now. I know. You’re freaking out.  I am too. I started to rip up some of the ugly vinyl molding in my bathroom last week so I could put in a real live baseboard and then, because I knew this, I stopped. I took a sample to my local asbestos testing lab and found out that the adhesive that sticks the vinyl molding to the wall contains asbestos.  ...

Yum! Up until my son was three, just about everything went into his mouth. Slugs he found in the garden. His sister's elbow. The bannister.  I didn’t freak out too much, but maybe I should have. We were living in a house built in 1910 and as most real estate agents will tell you –– and ours told us –– if a house was built before 1978 it almost certainly has lead paint. The big concern is lead dust, most of which comes from paint that’s deteriorating. Our paint wasn’t deteriorating. According to the CDC, though, “ even low levels of lead in blood have been shown to affect IQ, ability to pay attention, and academic achievement.”   And here’s a new one: The National Institute of Health sent out a release in June of this year that indicates that there’s a connection between heavy metals –– including lead –– and autism.  Federal law requires that if you’re buying a house built before 1978, the seller must provide you with an EPA-approved information pamph...

I don't believe there's a "cure" for autism and even if there were, I couldn't imagine inflicting it on my son. But I continue to explore the issue and I'm glad to see others do, too. Check out this video, produced by BBC Scotland .  Scottish TV legend Chris Packham reveals how his autism shapes his world, and why he would never want to change it. If you can't spare the time to watch the entire video, here's a summary in his own words: "We need to understand autistic people better, and not try to change who they are." Via BBC Stories You can reach me at 503-715-2852 or by email at brianb (dot) mrealty (at) gmail (dot) com.

I’m working with an out-of-town client to find a home in Portland she can retire to. She’s meticulous about valuing houses and so she instructs me to submit offers based entirely on practical criteria. As a result, her offers are substantially lower than what the houses are listed at.  But here’s the thing. The real estate market in Portland has changed. Speculation isn’t driving up prices the way it had for several years and a lot of sellers are surprised to find that not only do they get no offers over list, they get no offers at all. We’ve had several offers rejected out of hand only to see the houses still languishing on the market months later. Or pulled off the market entirely.  Emotionally, these sellers are convinced that no offer is better than a low offer.  In a changing market, you get to see just how good other realtors are and I have to say, some of the real estate agents I’ve come in contact with have been extraordinary. Others? Well, let’s ju...

Back when I was looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, I put together a list of the things I wanted in a wife. I wanted her to be thoughtful, funny, kind, hard working, principled...  Then I met my now ex. She was beautiful, but not long after I closed escrow it became clear that the pretty exterior covered a rotted foundation. The maintenance alone was brutal, and a fter 12 years, no amount of fancy wall coverings could cover up the sagging roof line and cracks in the façade.  I did my very best up until she finally, mercifully, told me she wanted a divorce.  Fortunately, she already had another buyer moved in. I was able to dump the property and let him take over the payments.  And I learned an important lesson. One that I'm here to share with you. When I work with clients looking to buy a house, I ask them to put together a list of things they want in a home.  Then I make it a point to keep my clients accountable to...

This past weekend I took my son to the Special Olympics Oregon Youth Games . They were held at Nike’s world headquarters in Beaverton and if you’ve never been to Nike’s world headquarters, OH MY GOD! I would give up my career in real estate to work as a janitor at Nike if I got to go to be on that campus every day. They have a track that goes around the whole place, where you can run past swimming pools, golf courses, soccer fields, weight rooms… all for the use of the employees. (Are you reading this, anybody in HR at Nike?) Anyway. That’s not my point.  Special Olympics  puts on these events in all 50 states, focusing on teaching kids with intellectual disabilities the basics of a popular sport.  Last year my boy did track and field. This year he thought he’d try golf. And the kid is a friggin' natural. I mean, look at the picture I took of him making a chip shot! I’m not even sure what a chip shot is, but this one is perfect.  That’s not my poi...

This being Mental Health Awareness Week, you might think I’d want to talk about my son and mental illness.  And I do, just not at the same time.  My son is autistic. He is not mentally ill. He does not need to be “cured.” What my son needs is a little understanding, a lot of reminding, and a n environment that doesn't overstimulate him. He needs  a tree to climb, a problem to solve, a recipe to try, and an idea to share. He needs a father to protect him from bullies and charlatans and a teacher who doesn't freak out when he figures out the answer to a math problem in a totally unconventional way.  Mental illness is another thing entirely.  There are literally hundreds of distinct mental disorders and if you’re so inclined, take a look at an alphabetical compilation put together by Mental Health Matters  that they culled from the DSM-IV, DSM 5, ICD-10 Chapter V, and online resources.  Of those, the National Alliance on Mental I...

A break in the rain. Last week we had our first Webelos den meeting of the school year and because I’m a den leader (stop laughing –– I only do it so I can wear that spiffy uniform and meet women) parents of two of the new kids came up to me as we were getting started to express their concerns.  What each of them said came down to the same thing: I want to be sure this is a good en vironment for my kid, since he was diagnosed as (ADD/ADHD/ASD/SPD/OCD).  I laughed. Which didn’t go over very well, so I explained pretty quickly that the reason I laughed is that scouting is actually an awesome environment. I told them that not only is my son ASD/SPD, but that several other kids in our den either had diagnoses or probably qualified for one.  I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s not.  I spent this past weekend with my nine-year-old at Webelos Woods, a camp out for Webelos where they get to experience the way Boy Scouts do t...

Thanks to Ashleigh Byrne for the photo My son used to be a runner. When he was two I installed one of those chains at the top of the front door, thinking it would keep him from busting out and cruising the neighborhood.  It didn't. The clever little guy figured out how to stack pieces of furniture in the entryway so he could climb up, undo the chain, and let himself out. Thing is, he’s my son. This was just the way he was and so we dealt with it. You do that. After a while you don’t even give it a second thought. It doesn’t occur to you that there’s anything weird about having a chain on your door seven feet up.  Now think about putting your house up for sale. People are going to be coming in, looking to see if the place you call home doesn’t just meet their needs, but fulfills their fantasies. And you don’t get to be there to explain.  The lock on the fridge? The shoelace you’re using to tie the window shut? The window alarms on the cupboards? As a real ...

This past spring I was invited to compete in the 2017 Story Slam in Beaverton. I didn't win. But I had a blast and by the way, got to explain how someone like me gets to be someone like me. Take a look. Brian Belefant is an Oregon Licensed Real Estate Agent whose son is ASD / SPD. So he gets it. Call him at (503) 715 2852 or send him an emai at brianb (dot) mrealty (at) gmail (dot) com.

Me with my glorious, funny, smart, kind, sometimes totally oblivious boy. My son is on the spectrum. ASD and SPD. So trying to buy a home was especially stressful. Not just because I was looking for certain specific things in a house and a neighborhood, but also because the whole home buying process can be a little nutty. Long story short, I decided to become a real estate agent myself. The way I see it, they call it ‘Special Needs’ because we have needs that are special. Not just in a house and a neighborhood, but in the way we look for a home, the way we sell the home we have, the things that make a transaction go smoothly. And in a real estate agent. If you’re looking to move in Oregon, give me a call. I’d love to meet and see if we’re a good match. If you’re looking to move outside of Oregon, give me a call. There are a lot of us out there, parents with kids who come with initials after their names –– ASD, SPD, ADD, ADHD, OCD. I might be able to connect you with a rea...